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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25685080">A Snake and an Oreo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/saibug1022/pseuds/saibug1022'>saibug1022</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:21:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25685080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/saibug1022/pseuds/saibug1022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Janus's POV of the scene of the latest chapter of Finding Yourself wherein Virgil finds out Remus killed his parents and runs off before being found by Janus.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Deceit | Janus Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>We Can't Keep Running Away From Who We Are</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Snake and an Oreo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This took a while 'cause I had a shit ton of other stuff to do but I hope you like it!<br/>Trigger warnings: Cursing, mentions of injury, panic attack, pain, pain meds, adoption</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Janus was straight up </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>having a good time right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus had been lying to both Virgil and Logan which pissed him off enough, but he’d been lying to Logan about his parents and that, oh yeah, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking killed Virgil’s</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They had both run off but Logan had seemed semi-calm, meanwhile Virgil was injured and had been crying so Janus was kinda more worried about him at the moment. Roman had been about to commit murder but Patton was way better at dealing with that, so Janus had gone to search for Virgil. In the dark. Alone. With a murder cult after them. Patton better give Virgil the Dad Lecture of his life after this bullshit. He was starting to wish the stupid tether went both ways because he had no fucking clue where he went. Even after touching that stupid scroll. Look he was worried, okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Virgil?!” Janus called. “Damn it, where the hell did you go?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked a little further until he heard something that sounded like...sobbing? Then there was a pained yelp and Janus’s heart leaped into his throat. Was Virgil being attacked? Goddamn it, fucking shit, son of a bitch-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, Virgil was that you?” Janus called again. Then the realization hit him like a fucking bullet train. “Oh shit, his shoulder, fuck. Come on, kid, where are-Virgil!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There he was. Janus quickly fired off a message to the server He was in a spell circle, which Janus had only seen a few times, but the glowing purple ring was pretty fucking hard to mistake. Speaking of mistakes, Janus didn’t try to go straight through the circle like he had once, knowing it would keep him and his magic out. Off to the side he saw Virgil’s backpack with stuff spilled all over the sidewalk like it had been thrown. God fucking damn it. He knew Virgil was dumb, he just didn’t realize THAT dumb. He looked back at his friend and saw him trying and struggling to release the circle and Janus got as close as he could, putting a hand against the invisible barrier keeping him out. He hated magic then more than he ever had because it was keeping him from comforting his little brother and THAT was not fucking okay. Virgil kept trying to speak but he was stumbling and he couldn’t get the words out on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Virgil, you can do this,” Janus said. “You have been through so much shit you are not going to get beaten by your own goddamn spell circle. You can do this, I know it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil croaked out the last few words and the barrier fell, Virgil along with it. Janus was on his knees before he even reached him, sliding across the sidewalk and probably ripping his jeans in the process, getting chalk on the parts that managed to stay together. Okay, he could fucking do panic attacks. Came with your little brother being bullied and genderqueer. He just had to hope Virgil would react to the things he used for Patton because god damn it that was all he knew. He began to pull Virgil into an embrace, making sure that it was Virgil’s good side leaning against his chest, not his injured arm. Damn, the kid sounded like he wasn’t breathing at all. But his few breaths were rattling like he was in pain, which made sense considering the shit thrown everywhere. He was really glad he’d thought to grab pain meds and a water bottle on the way there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know buddy, I know,” Janus muttered almost to himself. He struggled, but years of experience let him crush the pills and get them into the water bottle. He held the water bottle up to Virgil. “This is gonna taste like shit but otherwise you’re gonna choke, so drink some of this. I’ll hold it, we’ll do a little at a time, got it? Just nod your head yes or no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt Virgil nod so he held the water bottle up to Virgil’s lips. He tilted just a bit, both because it was full and he didn’t want Virgil to choke or spit it out. Janus wouldn’t be able to blame him for that last one, he knew first hand how despicable it was, but anything to help Virgil just then. Virgil took the sip and swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you go, that’s it,” Janus said as soothingly as he could. God, if the others knew how gentle he could be he’d never hear the end of it. “It’s got pain meds in it, it’ll help your shoulder.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil nodded again so Janus helped him take another sip. It took way longer than Janus wanted, but there was no way in hell he was going to rush him. Eventually Virgil finished the whole bottle and Janus felt his head drop onto his shoulder. He tossed the water bottle aside (ignoring the little voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Patton and was scolding him for littering) so he could fully wrap Virgil up in his arms. He seemed to like physical comfort so for fuck’s sake Janus was gonna give it to him. His breathing was still worryingly shallow so Janus decided to focus on that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you do, so I’m just gonna do what I did with Pat, okay?” Janus began. He knew he kept asking for affirmation WAY more than he normally would but it was a habit from Patton. Patton always appreciated autonomy and needed to be in control especially when he was panicking, so Janus had always made a point to ask him if he was following, if he was okay with what Janus was doing, all of it. He shifted Virgil gently until his head was rested on his chest instead of his shoulder. “Just listen to my heartbeat, okay? Focus on that, not all the other bullshit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pattern and reaffirmation that Janus was there had always helped Patton so he had to hope it would help ground Virgil too. He felt Virgil lean into him just a bit more and there was a pause before he felt tapping on his knee that seemed like a heartbeat. Son of a bitch, ok. Now for the actual breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now we’re gonna breathe, Oreo, okay?” Janus said. Huh. When he’d come up with the nickname with Patton he didn’t think he’d actually use it. But now it just kinda felt right. Fuck, he really was getting soft. Toto, his snake, would be ashamed of him. “You don’t have to count, just feel me breathe and breathe with me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t feel Virgil nod but there was an extra tap on his knee which Janus hoped was acknowledgment. He took in a slow, steady breath and heard Virgil try to follow. It was really shitty but it was an attempt at least. So he kept doing it, remaining patient as Virgil struggled to to match his breaths. It took a while but Virgil eventually sounded less like a drowning man and more like a fucking human being. He hadn’t completely stopped shaking either but it didn’t feel like he was literally vibrating anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing amazing,” Janus praised. “Just a few more, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Virgil whispered. Janus internally threw a fucking party. He wasn’t nonverbal anymore, that was a huge step. But he didn’t say anything, just breathed a few more times and thrilled as Virgil followed along perfectly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you go,”Janus said. “That was fucking perfect Virgil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay,” Virgil mumbled half-heartedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil was still crying as he leaned into Janus even farther. Janus tightened his hold but didn’t say anything. Janus understood that want for physical touch. That cuddling with Patton all the time wasn’t just for his brother. He would never admit that, even to Patton, but he had a feeling the little dick already knew. It felt like forever but eventually Virgil’s tears stopped and so did his hand. Motherfucking son of a bitch ass, what now? What was something Virgil did? Roman definitely had a thing for hair, and Janus liked to just hold people so he could protect them easier but Virgil...oh wait! He’d seen Virgil playing with Roman and Logan’s fingers before. They probably would have been doing it in the car if Virgil’s left arm hadn’t been the one messed up. He held one of his hands up and wiggled his fingers to convey the message. Virgil got it as he quickly seized Janus’s hand and began to fidget with his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This might be a stupid question,”Janus sighed. “But how are you feeling? You do have to be honest, but you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>much of an ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tired,” Virgil started. Huh. He actually hadn’t expected an honest answer. “Also overwhelmed. And my shoulder hurts. I’m sorry you had to deal with this Dee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus wasn’t sure what possessed him. Maybe it was the shock from Virgil telling the truth, maybe it was his older-brother instincts, or even the urge to comfort. Whatever it was, it drove him to correct Virgil with one word: “Janus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Virgil asked. “Thought you didn’t want us to call you that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit, shit, shit, mother fucking, fucking hell, god fucking damn it. God, was he really doing this. He wanted to. God he wanted to, so fucking bad. He wanted to hear someone call him by his actual name without an air of mocking to it so fucking much, that sometimes he actually cried about it. But he could also remember the condescending laughter, the people saying it wasn’t really his name, that he was stupid, that his parents were awful for naming him that. They weren’t wrong, he supposed, they were awful just not for that reason. But he couldn’t imagine the others saying those things. They’d been through so much pain and lies and secrets...maybe he could trust them with one more. He wasn’t sure he was ready to tell all of them but maybe Virgil and Patton were a good start.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>let </span>
  </em>
  <span>anyone call me it,” Janus corrected him. “I fucking love the name, but I was bullied for it until high school when I started going by my middle name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not gonna bully you, Janus,” Virgil said. Janus almost cried, and it was incredibly embarrassing. He didn’t though, and he was pretty sure Virgil didn’t notice. God it was just a fucking name why was he getting so emotional about this? “I have no right. My name was Angelo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus snickered. “Yeah that’s fair. Also, that’s kinda why I told you. I, uh, I trust you guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I trust you too,” Virgil replied. “And Janus is a cool name. I like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Janus muttered. He wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to cry- “Now I kinda wanna check your shoulder. I’m no expert, but considering shit was spilled out of your backpack I’m gonna assume you threw it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Virgil admitted. “I also hit some stuff too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I wanna be pissed but I’d probably do the same thing,” Janus admitted and shrugged with one shoulder. “Alright so we’re gonna pull down the sleeve on one side, not take it off, I don’t need you screaming again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Virgil mumbled. He sat up and Janus ignored his wince so he could untie the sling. As soon as he got the first few buttons undone and got a glimpse of the bandages he sighed. It was hard, but he managed to avoid slamming his forehead into the pavement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Janus sighed again, the sigh of a man who had suffered this pain too much. God what with Patton never taking off his fucking binder, Logan being Logan, Remus getting stabbed every Tuesday, and Virgil throwing shit with a wounded shoulder he was never going to get a break. At least he didn’t seem like he was bleeding out again. “I don’t think you tore the stitches. At least I hope you didn’t because that is not the way I wanted Pat to become a murderer. But it is bleeding a little.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M sorry,” Virgil muttered. Janus really did want to be pissed and he was because all of his friends were fucking morons. But Virgil sounded self-deprecating and that was worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re forgiven this time,” Janus said, hiding his reluctance. “Only because of circumstances. Don’t think I’ve gone soft.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Virgil chuckled, sounding incredibly disbelieving because he was an absolute bitch. “How long have I been gone? Shit I probably freaked everyone out again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kinda yeah,” Janus admitted. He wasn’t going to soften the truth. “But I texted the server when I found you, so they’re probably mostly chill now. Logan texted a while back too, but he still hasn’t gone back. Said he needed a bit of time alone or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He probably shouldn’t have said that. He’d just figured Virgil would be worried, not that he’d try to stand and catch himself with his injured shoulder like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>dumbass</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“FUCK!” Virgil shouted. “Shit, sorry, lost my balance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude he said he needed time alone,” Janus pointed out, and pretended he didn’t hear Virgil’s stupi-ass apology. He didn’t even try to get up, either. “You don’t need to go running over there to just wait on his ass. We can wait here. No one expects you to be okay after that. You can take some time too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d actually rather not think about </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Virgil mumbled. Janus could sympathize with that considering he was doing everything he could to avoid thinking about his parents. “I’m a lot better at running away from my problems than dealing with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how’s that been going for you so far?” Janus raised an eyebrow at him. He already knew the answer to that, but he wanted to hear Virgil say it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Horribly,” Virgil admitted. “But hey, I’m alive and functioning, so that’s something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alive, yes. Functioning, that’s debatable. Look I know that out of the options I’m probably not the first person you’d wanna go to for comfort, but if you want to talk then I can listen. I’ll even talk too, if that helps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil hesitated but Janus smirked. He knew he’d hit the nail on the head. It wasn’t hard to tell with Virgil. Even during his little self-conscious pauses his body language would either relax or stay tense. Janus already had his arms open when Virgil sighed and crawled over to him, laying his head on his shoulder again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents will never get to meet </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Virgil finally said. “But if they were alive to meet me, Roman would be dead. I just don’t know what to think. I’m mad at Remus but I’m also so glad Roman is in my life. And then there’s the fact that, with Remus’s information and my memories, it’s pretty easy to figure out my parents did everything they did to protect me, so does that prove the demon right? Was it my fault? I just… I don’t know what to think so I’m thinking it all at once and it’s a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was a lot to unpack. Okay, Janus could handle that. He’d made the offer, he was going to follow it through and help his little emo. Well not </span>
  <em>
    <span>the </span>
  </em>
  <span>offer, but he was starting to consider making it that conversation. As for just then he picked a random starting point and ran with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well for the Remus thing, you don’t have to pick a side,” Janus started. “You can be pissed and still be happy you met Roman. Feelings aren’t fucking linear. They’re like a mess of yarn. A shit ton happening all at once and there’s a ton of knots and half the time you don’t know where both ends are. But you can unravel them after a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of time and effort. You can feel multiple things at once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I just don’t like it.” Virgil said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’d hope not, otherwise you’d be basically insane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil laughed and snuggled in even closer. Janus smiled softly and kissed Virgil’s hair so soft he doubted the other boy even felt it. It was moments like this where he understood Patton. Virgil was only a year younger than him but he might as well have been six for all Janus cared. He was definitely his little brother at that point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As for the other shit, it’s not your fault,” Janus assured him, his voice returning to the sympathetic tone from earlier. “Like, here, if I died to keep Patton safe. Would he be pissed? Obviously, and knowing him he’d probably blame himself. And yeah, I’d be upset probably that I never got to see him graduate or anything, but I also wouldn’t regret it one bit. Also, same scenario, would you blame Patton?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, though I’d be pissed at you,” Virgil admitted. “I’d miss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...thanks,” Janus said, his voice breaking a little before he cleared his throat. “But you see what I mean? It’s not your fault. You’ve got a fucking bad habit of blaming yourself for other people’s choices.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I see your point,” Virgil sighed. “Just a little harder to get through my head when a demon flat out told me it was my fault. I know he was just trying to get under my skin, but it worked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey maybe it got him a raise,” Janus shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s gonna feel so good when I get to banish him forever with that damn spell.” Virgil said. God Janus was so excited for that. “I’ll be in control for once, not him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yeah, you tell him,” Janus snickered. “He’s a little bitch, treat him like one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the plan,” Virgil replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus was actually really enjoying this. He really liked these one on one moments with the others. He’d gotten really close with Logan lately and it felt good to have the same opportunity with Virgil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for this, Janus,” Virgil said. “I… I needed help and I really appreciate you being there. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patton isn’t my only little brother, Oreo,” Janus replied. He saw Virgil looked up at him with such a sheepish, shy smile he could almost feel the ice around his heart melting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why Marshmallow and Oreo?” Virgil asked abruptly. Well that wasn’t where he’d expected this conversation to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Patton is fluffy and way too sweet for his own good,” Janus answered. “Plus I gave to him when we were kids and it kinda stuck. As for you, I was kinda committed to the sweets theme at that point. So Oreo, ‘cause you’ve got the whole ‘looks they could kill you is actually a cinnamon roll’ thing going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey I could totally kill you!” Virgil objected, smiling like a dork. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh, sure,” Janus said half-heartedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” Virgil started. Oh no. Where was this going?  “Does this mean I’m like, your honorary little brother or something? I’ve always wanted a sibling…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was it. IF there was anytime to ask it, it was now. His conversation with Patton ringing in his ears, he went for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At this point I don’t even think it’s honorary,” Janus replied. “I’m getting emancipated after all this bullshit is over and if Patton wants I’m gonna be his legal guardian, I could do the same for you if you really wanted. Plus it’s either this or you get adopted by a fifteen-year-old.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Virgil started and then trailed off. Janus wasn’t surprised by the hesitation so he wasn’t too worried. But then to his surprise: “I think I might actually like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The legal guardian thing or getting adopted by Patton?” Janus teased, lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I think it’s kind of a package deal.” Virgil pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s probably true,” Janus admitted. “You don’t have to decide right now by the way. You can have some time to think, this is a serious-ass thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll think about it,” Virgil said. “Are you sure you’d be okay with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hell</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes,’ He thought, but he wasn’t going to say it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you asked me like a week ago I’d probably say no. But yeah. Yeah I would. You’re a good kid, Virgil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil shifted and then suddenly he was hugging him. Janus grinned and held him close, basking in the moment with the newest member of his family.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welp here's the older brother Janus who I low-key want to adopt me please XD<br/>I'll reply to your comments, but otherwise, see ya Sunday Lovebugs!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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